Friday, January 19, 2007

Time to reinvent the wheel of non-tedious jobs

Disappointingly enough, at this point in United States history, the more boring a job or political topic is, the more important they are. Everything boring is deception. All jobs and topics can be made fun and interesting, and some jobs and topics are purposefully made boring, like taxes and contracts, to distract too many people from paying too close attention. This is exactly why Americans seemingly do not care about some of the important things that ultimately do matter. Yes, family matters, but so does your job. Your job matters more than you think. More than money, even. Everyone wants and NEEDS to enjoy how they spend 1/3 of their adult lives. Jobs do not and should not be created to be extremely tedious. I once WATCHED someone sit at a computer hitting the zero key and the enter key for four hours straight over five days in one week. I'm going to watch the second hand on a clock right now as I determine the number of times she must have hit the zero key and the enter key in 10 seconds. Heck, I'll even type it here:
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
That's nearly 50 in 10 seconds.
Or 300 in one minute.
Or 18,000 in one hour.
Or 72,000 in a four-hour shift.
Or 360,000 in one week's worth of four-hour shifts.

Whoever gave this poor woman this job should be imprisoned for torturing this woman with a job that they themselves would never do.

Solution? Because I am a Problem-Fixer in addition to a mere Problem-Solver, I would not eliminate the column of zeros altogether, because I have learned that oftentimes what is not being said is just as important to know as what is being said. Instead, I would make each person responsible for filling out the row of information responsible for typing in the zero, or (smart idea, Mr. Idiot Boss!), I would teach my employees how to correctly use Excel so that the zero, surprise surprise, AUTOMATICALLY appears!

Now, if the company is creating these types of useless positions just to help people make a minimum wage paycheck, I applaude the generosity, but there is an even better way. I suggest that the positions of the whole entire company be restructured to create positions where EVERYONE has multiple roles at various levels in the company (obviously each role would be distributed differently depending on the hierarchy of the company), including typing in their own zeros. As you can see, with the time it took to type in 360,000 zeros -- one week -- that time would instead be redistributed to everyone, including the new employee aka initial zero-typer, so that the zero-typer can someday move past that crappy position and not have to be forced to live uncomfortably off of the government AND YOUR TAX DOLLARS. Because afterall, give me the name of a company who would value the job Zero-Typer on a resume? At an interview, IF the zero-typer got one for heaven's sake, if asked what other activities zero-typer did at her position--what does zero-typer say? Should she say that she also hit the enter key, too? When asked, "What did you like about your position as zero-typer," should she say, "I enjoyed it because I could press the zero and enter keys with two different fingers on my right hand and take a drink out of my QT cup with my left hand?" That's what I would say! These people deserve respect, too, and perhaps more respect than the boss who gave them that position. It is of my opinion that a boss who is doing this type of thing deep down sincerely wants to help but hasn't been prepared or taught how to help. What comes off as a gesture of generosity most times ends up being thought of as a "charity case" because the Zero-Typer is absolutely miserable zero-typing, and the Boss begins seeing his idea of helping this person not being appreciated (even though he wasn't taught how to help in the best way).

Unfortunately, I have witnessed more zero-typers, and disappointed good-hearted bosses for that matter, too many times in my 29 years and I'd like to fix this problem. Happy to say it--Time to Reinvent The Wheel. The old wheel's flat, losing traction, had so many patches that it is tough to find the original tire, and on top of that it is missing a hubcap (which is probably being used by the zero-typer as a bucket to collect donations on the plaza).

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